Emerging

As the tender young buds spring to life on the trees

It is a reminder that the world can ever be seen through fresh eyes

Never losing sight of the promise of a new beginning

Believing that life holds in store beauty of which the like has yet to be experienced

Sometimes during bleak, bare seasons through which all must pass

It can be hard to imagine that the sun will shine and blossoms open

To reveal what has been germinating, deep below the surface

The best things come after the frost has decimated the landscape

Making way for the sweet, vibrant tenderness of life anew.

 

 

Too Soon

She has sought the light since time began

Yet darkness ever reaches out to touch her soul

When the glimmer gets just bright enough to put a sparkle in her eyes

Tendrils of grey snake their way around her heart

As a reminder that her time has not yet arrived

There is more fire to walk through – for whatever the reason

Her mind often wonders how many tests she must take

Before getting her pass to walk in the brightness for more than just a moment

Whether sunshine or moonlight matters not to her

Only that her heart be warmed by the brilliance of true joy

That her body can stand next to the heat of love for long enough

To form an ember which glows, instead of only a spark

Before being extinguished by the cold mists of the bitter side of truth

Pondering when the sweetness of life shall pay more than a passing visit, she mourns

Each and every pinprick of light which has faded way too soon

 

Time To Be Still

In the past week, I have been envisioning myself someplace quiet…someplace natural, like a cabin with a mountain stream running by or an oceanfront cottage. Life has been so busy, with so many changes, that I have reached a point in which more than anything else, the need to disconnect from everything for a few days is becoming paramount. At some point this year I’ll be making a getaway, but I’m going to need a break before that. It isn’t that my life is bad…far from it.

Life’s actually pretty great overall. I’d be remiss however, if I left out that there have been some big challenges in recent weeks which have left me drained. For the next little while, I plan on scaling back my online presence. I’ll still be posting here Monday through Friday because you know how it is for writers…we just have to write. What I’ll be scaling back is my presence on social media and online forums.

Starting on Friday, I’m taking a week-long vacation from my online presence…other than this blog. Next Monday and Tuesday I plan to take for myself in the real world as well, to simply be. It is time to regroup and recharge. My company for those days will be a good book, my art supplies, a bubble bath or two, and my bed (I plan on sleeping A LOT). I simply need to be still for a little while. To be with myself and my thoughts…to have time to meditate, read, and paint, without keeping an eye on the clock. As I go through this week, I’ll be daydreaming about it and reminding myself that a respite is only a week away.

What do you do when you need to recharge?

 

Let’s Get Caught Up

It has been an interesting few weeks. There has been a lot going on, both internally and externally. Last week, I had an almost four day long migraine which really took me out of commission. After the migraine began to fade, I realized that I was in the midst of a major flare-up of my autoimmune issues. While I am feeling a good bit better now, it is still lingering…yes, life goes on.

One of the things which I had to do this week was to do something about my old bed which I’d had for a little under five years. It was creating more pain and pressure points than were acceptable. Even though I was a bit hesitant, I decided to order a mattress online…one of the memory foam ones that come in a box. Last night was my first night on it, so it’s a bit too early for a review, but I will say that my first night was pretty comfortable. Thankfully a good friend of mine was around to help me to take out the old mattress on Saturday. My delivery was delayed a bit, so I slept on my couch for three nights which did my already aching back no favors but it’s feeling a little better already.

When the new mattress got here yesterday, the FedEx guy was nice enough to wheel it into the bedroom for me. I was able to wrestle it out of the box and up onto the bed frame…but in typical me style I laid it out incorrectly and found myself in a pickle. I needed to flip the thing and it was unfolding and inflating fast…and I just wasn’t able to do it. Luckily for me, I was talking to a new friend on the phone when all of this was going on and they came to the rescue…which I am still pleasantly surprised by. They did not have to do this…and they drove 20 minutes just to come and help me out before they had to go to work. Wow, talk about nice.

The friend which helped me take out my old mattress contacted me a little later in the afternoon to let me know that he was available if I needed help. I have to say that I feel pretty lucky to have people in my life who are willing to help out. My sister had told me that she would help too, which means a lot to me. She is in the midst of an even worse flare up than I am, so I was beyond hesitant to call upon her to help me wrestle an 80 pound mattress!

I was able to have a several really good days last week, even though I’ve been in this flare up. I got to spend a few evenings with my sister…talking and laughing…which is always great. Plus, I got to hang out with one of my friends on Sunday and binge watch Star Trek Next Generation. Also played around on Sunday and tried to duplicate a completely raw vegan dish I had at a restaurant back in February. It was a success! I raw zucchini noodles, sun dried tomato marinara, cashew (ricotta) cheese, and pesto. It was beyond delicious.

Didn’t get to spend a lot of time this week practicing guitar, due to the migraine and body pain but I did get a little in. Yesterday evening, for the first time in months…I dragged out a canvas and my watercolors to start a new abstract painting. Let me tell you, that felt so good! I only got to work on it for about 30 minutes, but what a wonderful 30 minutes!

All in all, life has been pretty good, flare and all. Things are going well, and I have a lot to feel excited about. I’m sure that I’m missing something, but the post is getting long anyway. So, I’ll take that as my cue to wrap it up for now. I hope that all of you are doing well and that you are finding happiness in each day, no matter how simple or small the pleasure is.

Much love,

Tracy

The Door Closes

Sometimes doors open, only to be closed again all too soon

Not to be mourned because there is only so far that I could have gone inside

There were many things on the other side of that door which changed everything

Even though love was out of reach, my eyes were opened to what could be

Somehow in the midst of all the confusion, I realized that it was time

To open the gates to my heart and allow the trappings of the past to flow away with my tears

I knew that it was safe to try once more, to push past the fears planted long ago

And trust that there is someone open, true, kind and ready to love in return

While the lessons learned in that small room were bittersweet, I shall ever be grateful

Even as I sadly watch the door closing, I eagerly grasp the key which was handed me

A key which has unlocked the parts of my being which had been chained for years

While it wasn’t the right key to fully open the door inside which it lay, it was a perfect fit in many ways

Now I have to allow the door to close, knowing that what was inside, while wonderful

Was never intended for me, which was a lot easier to explain to the brain than the heart

Onward I go with my newfound knowledge that what I seek exists…just behind a different door

One which can be thrown open wide to greet me completely

Allowing me to walk all the way in and inviting me to stay

Warm, welcoming…a place where there is belonging…home

Decluttering, Simplifying, Making Room

In the past week, I’ve begun another wave of paring down and changing things up. More and more, the desire to clear the way for happiness and balance is paramount. Over the past several months, there have been major changes in my professional and personal life…and it’s fantastic. The thing is, it hit me recently that I’ve been focusing on one area of life and largely neglecting key elements of myself. Over the years, a big part of what has helped me to stay centered and grounded is creative expression.

There are no complaints from me about the way that my life has been since back in November when things really started to change. It has taken a little while for me to realize that there were certain areas of my life that I just didn’t need to continue to work as long and hard at, because those areas are now in full swing. For a while I kept going full throttle in that area, but my creative life went pretty dormant. This is okay and as it should be, because having a singular area of focus for several months made that part of me even more dedicated and confident.

In the past two to three weeks, I have really started to miss the creativity. Just a few days ago, it finally hit me that I could reclaim that part of myself. After all, I have reached a level of success which I’m pretty content with spiritually. While that will always be evolving and growing…there will always be more to learn, and more room to expand and change…I have an abundance of work which I am very grateful for. So now that I finally see it, I am getting geared up to dust off my art supplies and put my writer’s cap back on again. Just today, I decluttered and organized my art supply shelves. It felt good to simply be touching my brushes, markers, papers, and canvas.

It isn’t that I won’t be posting my usual type of content here anymore. Honestly, I do not feel that it would even be possible for me to stop showing up and sharing things that I am learning and understanding along the way. That too is a huge part of who I am. Since a pretty young age, it has been apparent to me that a large part of how we learn is by relating to one another. While we may take away something entirely different, or at least have our own unique spin, there is something special and powerful about being able to read or hear about the experiences of others. It makes things click sometimes, or minimally, helps us to understand that we aren’t alone in our journey toward wholeness.

The question that I’d like to leave with this time is this:

Are there areas of your life in which you could ease up a little or declutter, in order to make room for a more complete balance of all of the aspects of yourself?

As always, there is no need to put an answer in the comments, unless you’d like to share (which is always welcome).

Much love,

Tracy