There was some inner debate for me when trying to decide whether to write a post acknowledging Valentine’s day. As many people do, I fluctuate back and forth between finding a day when we’re “supposed to” feel a certain way or do certain things (especially when it comes to love) something to buck against, and thinking that having someone who finds you special and shows it would be great. I guess the first part of my inner battle about this and many other holidays is that I feel that ideally, we show the ones we love that we care on a regular basis and not mostly on days when the expectation of that has been established. Not only that but for those who do not have healthy relationships, days like Valentine’s day often set the stage for feelings of disappointment.
The second part of my debate as to whether to write about this day at all is that I do not often share deeply personal things about myself here. Valentine’s day and what it represents though is difficult to write about (for me) without going there, at least a little bit. As with most things that I write here, I decided to go for it because I know that some of you will relate to what I say and my hope is always that what you read here will at the very least let you know that you aren’t alone in your feelings. One of the great things about being part of the online community is that we can share, learn, and grow through our experiences together.
One thing that I will share with you is that, like many others, I am single for Valentine’s day…as I have been for several years now. I’ve been working my way through figuring out exactly what it is which I would like to see in my romantic life. This has included experimenting with different ideas and doing deep examination of my ideal vision of life in general. One of the big shifts which I’ve made in recent months is shifting from thinking of what I do not want to envisioning what I do. As someone who works in the areas in which I work, it was a big light bulb moment when I realized that I had been thinking of love in terms of what I didn’t want. That’s not how the law of attraction works, and I know that. Old habits sometimes die hard.
I’m sure that many of you have been doing this too. My epiphany was that I already know what doesn’t work for me, but that if I am to attract the relationship which would be right for me that I am not going to do that by focusing on the “don’t wants”. Rather, the focus should always be on what we would like to see in our lives, no matter what we are wishing to manifest. So, I’m spending some time making the switch in my way of thinking about this. While I do not wish to share my specific vision here, I do wish to say that I fully believe that when we are envisioning the relationships that we wish to manifest that it’s best to be way more specific about the feelings than the minute details. We don’t want to miss the forest for the trees do we? 😉
For the longest time, I didn’t even want a relationship in my life. Yep, complete shut down mode was in full swing for a several years. I needed time to heal…examine…work on my own stuff. Lately, a pattern has emerged in my recent relationship forays that kinda hit me like a ton of bricks. I realized that my last few attempts at putting my toes in the water were not full attempts. There was something about each one of them which made it “safe” but destined to fail. The safety was the inability of any of these “relationships” to go anywhere for various reasons. Needless to say, I’ve finally come to an understanding about what I have been doing…and I’ve made the decision that it needs to stop.
While my ideas of a good relationship may differ from yours, the fact is that I have been doing the work on myself and while I still have a few adjustments to make…I am ready for something real…something which isn’t destined to fail before it even begins. The walls of fear are crumbling rapidly and I’m thankful. Am I in a hurry to get into a relationship? No. I have a lot on my plate right now professionally and wish to work my way a bit more through these few recent realizations. At the same time, I am finally ready to commit to being open to a full experience and not continue down the path of faux safety. It’s time to get real and let my fears fade into the background…to go for something real.
So, for the first Valentine’s day in a while, I feel something other than disdain or a slightly indifferent melancholy. I feel optimistic…open…good. I’ll definitely take a big dose of emotional healing for the “day of love”.
Whether you are single or partnered on this Valentine’s day, my wish for all of you is that you know love…not just tomorrow, but every day. If you’ve found your partner, you have my sincere congratulations…I am truly happy when people find love…it’s beautiful. For those of you who are single, like myself…my wish for you is clarity about what you truly would like to manifest in your love life, and very importantly, that you have a strong sense of self love, respect, and worthiness. Let’s make this the year that we singletons (who wish to be in relationships) declare…no more settling…no more running.